In theory, my perception of Philadelphia should be drastically different than that of other cities I lived near. After all, I spent the majority of my life in the Philly metro area. But that is the key word, metro area. My home is only ever a 40-minute train ride away from Center City, but that distance does not make my connection to the city any stronger. This sentiment does not just apply to Philly, but everywhere else I have called home.
I have lived in many places in my life. However, whether it is Texas, New Jersey, or Pennsylvania, I always lived in a metro area, always on the periphery of a bigger city. I am a suburbanite through and through. From New York, San Antonio, or Philly I always had opportunities to expose myself to these cities but only at a surface level. Given the time and travel inconvenience of traveling to a city core growing up, I never had a chance to fully identify with a city. The best way I could describe my presence visiting these cities was that of an experienced tourist. Instead, most often I stayed within suburban bubbles just outside of the city’s reach, with its own experiences and way of life.
Moving to a suburb of Philadelphia was no different. Connection to the city was only ever in name. Sure, I enjoyed the occasional walk down Walnut Street and visiting Rittenhouse Square or heading down to the Philadelphia Art Museum to see a new exhibition, but this was a monthly occurrence at best and only for a few hours.
The real connection I had was with the commuter suburb of Lansdale. The town technically has connections to Philly by SEPTA commuter rail, but my family rarely took advantage of it. Instead, I went to public school at Lansdale, did my shopping around the area, and all my social connections in Pennsylvania were contained in this suburb of Philly. Given these conditions, I had little incentive to interact with Philly physically. The best connection I had to the city growing up was only in spirit when I occasionally cheered on Philly’s sports teams.
The closest chance I had to finally understand the experience of a city was when I attended Temple University in North Philadelphia during my freshman year of college. Even though I lived close to the heart of the city, my feelings for the city never changed. Once again, I felt like I was in a bubble. I knew that my experience as a transplant student from the suburbs would never reflect an authentic life as a Philly resident. I stayed near campus all of the time, only interacted with others affiliated with Temple, a seldom felt a sense of community as half of the students commuted to school from other places outside the city.
All these experiences made me realize I have always been an urban outsider. It makes sense as whenever someone asked me where I am from, I always say I am from Philly for convenience’s sake, but it also always feels disingenuous.
Even though I am framing my relationship with Philly as my life missing out on something special with the city, it does not affect me negatively. I still greatly appreciate the merits that living in safe and stable suburban environments brought to my life. I also recognize the immense privilege I had of being able to grow up comfortably in a suburb. However, at this point in my life, I want to experience a change of pace.
I hope once I move on from college and into the workforce, I will get the opportunity to finally settle within a city. To feel the energy and excitement a city can bring and to finally have the chance to attach a part of my identity to an urban environment that holds real sentimental value.
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